Texts of Snoggletog, Christmas and more
by Vitanni Russha
Summary: "You're always afraid of screw up things." "I always screw up things." "You didn't screw me." AU-Modern. Texts of Hiccup and Astrid chatting. One-shots.
1. Tales of medieval damsels

**Monday 22nd December. 17.19**

_**Astrid Hofferson (on)**_

_**Hiccup Haddock (on)**_

Hiccup! Where the hell are you?

What's on milady?

I'm at your porch.

I want you to go shopping Christmas gifts with me.

I am with dad in the company.

He is still going on with that "someday I'll be leading this" and that "it's time for me to learn".

Hiccup, that's cool!

Mah, not so much.

Have my own plans.

I thought your dad already assumed that you wanna be a pilot.

Yeah. In theory, he did.

How much you'll stay there?

Until I can run away, maybe in two or three hours.

Will you go buying the gifts?

Guess I'll do but I don't wanna go alone.

What about Ruffnut?

Planning jokes with Tuff.

By the way, take care when you open your e-mails.

I will have that on mind

Ok, if you're not coming I'll ask Fishlegs or Snotlout.

Wathever.

Fishlegs? Snotlout? Really? Snotlout?!

Come on, Astrid, really?

Man, you're the one who's always saying we have to act like partners.

That's what I'll do, babe.

As you want.

_**Hiccup Haddock (off)**_

_**Last connection 17.43**_

* * *

**Monday 22nd December. 22.43**

_**Astrid Hofferson (on)**_

_**Hiccup Haddock (on)**_

So you're brave enough to re-show your face.

Blame dad, he opened the bathroom door.

You were ACTUALLY texting me from the bathroom?

Re-show? That's a legit word?

Whatever. Tell me, you were?

Yes.

How was your date with Snotlout?

Date with Snotlout? You're crazy?

I can't stand being close to him.

Fishlegs then?

I dated no one.

Just picked Stormfly and went for a walk.

You could tell me you were taking your cockatoo.

Yep, I could but didn't wanted you to not being jealous.

I wasn't jealous.

Okay, you'll have to admit that later.

Sleep attack here.

Goodnight, milady.

Night babe.

_**Last connection 0.14**_

* * *

**Tuesday 23****rd**** December. 9.16**

_**Astrid Hofferson (on)**_

_**Hiccup Haddock (off)**_

Hiccup!

Wahtons?

Sleeping?

Yeah. What's on?

Snotlout'll do a Snoggletog party this night in his cellar.

Coming?

Snogg-what?

Snoggletog. Viking fest I think. Coming?

Will you insist me to go the whole day?

Sure.

Then I'll go.

Can I sleep again?

I guess.

_**Hiccup Haddock (off)**_

_**Last connection 9.19**_

* * *

**Tuesday 23****rd**** December. 20.03 **

_**Astrid Hofferson (on)**_

_**Hiccup Haddock (on)**_

About what hours will you go to Snoopleton, milady?

It's Snoggletog and something just happened.

By the way, if you have a child, what'd you name you'll choose?

And you're asking because…

Ruff's pregnant.

WHAT?

Just kidding. Stormfly had babies and I don't know how to call them.

Whatever. I've got something to say to you…

What's all the stuff of 'milady'?

Don't you like it?

Didn't write that. It's just… so Hiccup.

What would you think if I start writing you like a mediaeval damsel?

I would not mind it, my beautiful lady.

Oh, so it'll go like this, my knight in shining armor.

Milady, may this devoted servant dare to pick your highness up in my black horse?

Of course, sir, that I'd like to ride your motorbike.

Then I can't wait until see you, milady.

Same here babe.

* * *

**Wednesday 24****th**** December. 13.39**

_**Astrid Hofferson (on)**_

_**Hiccup Haddock (on)**_

Have hangover?

No. I spent the whole night with the same Cherry Heering glass.

I did not even drink it all.

My head hurts a bit. And you know that I'm alcohol resistant.

Whatever, what's your plan for tonight?

Family dinner. Snotlout and his parents will come so I cannot evade it.

How about you?

Same. Without Snotlout happily.

But I've got a better plan.

Did you see the park Giant Christmas Tree?

Yes, I'm not blind yet.

Do you think you'll can sneak out and meet me there?

After midnight probably.

Sure. That's a treat.

Um, yeah… may I ask what we'll do there?

Of course you can ask… sadly I won't reply.

You are so evil you cannot even imagine.

Thanks.

* * *

**Thursday 25****th**** December. 03.08**

_**Astrid Hofferson (on)**_

_**Hiccup Haddock (on)**_

We should sleep now, Hiccup.

And are you actually blaming me about your sleeplessness?

Ha. Ha. You're so funny you can't even imagine.

We must be happy that no one heard us sneaking out.

Or sneaking in.

Hey Hiccup.

Didn't you just say we should sleep?

I said nothing. I wrote.

And what I wanted to write now was foolish.

What was that?

Nothing.

Come on, Astrid… imagine me doing a baby dragon face.

Hahahaha that's a very funny mind picture.

You just meant adorable.

Not, funny.

You looked adorable today, right after we kissed.

Well, actually after you kissed me.

And you looked funny… like a baby dragon face.

What did you wanted to say/write to me?

That I like you.

I like you too, Astrid.

Punches included in the combo?

As I have been saying since years ago, I could get used to.

* * *

_A/N It was very funny to write this and I hope you will find it funny too :3. I think that I'll add more drabbles like this (hopefully longer), so any idea or critique you have, please leave it in the reviews. I'll read them all ;)_

_Oh, and there's another thing, do you remember when in HTTYD2 Hiccup can't say Drago Bludvist and messes up all the word? Well the same happened with "Snoggletog"._


	2. Making out with a lobster skin guy

**Mondays, January 12****th**** 2015 16.15**

_**Astrid Hofferson (on)**_

_**Hiccup Haddock (on)**_

Hey, babe, can you talk now?

Mmm… yes, I think so. Why are you asking?

So nothing's going on now, right?

No.

Where do you want to get?

Right.

Spite it.

What?

Spite. It. Now.

And you just told me that you had nothing to do, so don't use any excuse.

Don't get you.

You evade me all day in school.

Spite out the reason.

Oh… that is.

So you won't denial. Okay then.

What's on with you?

With me?! You're the one who's evading me!

Why are you so upset?

You tell me. Why do you think I am?

I did not evade you, milady.

I was with the nurse and I didn't want you to see me the way I was.

What do you mean? What happened?

Science project. Fishlegs drop the whole thing… over us.

It ended up being a quite corrosive acid and now I'm redder that a lobster.

It hurts.

Stupid. I'd beat you up right now.

Why didn't you tell me?

It was shameful.

More shameful than when you fell over that tomato cans stack in the supermarket?

Or than that time when you broke the sneaker you were trying and no one noticed but bought it anyway?

Even it was small?

Stop it.

Oh no, no, I remember one good.

More shameful that that time when your father showed me your naked baby photos?

Please, don't remind me that.

I already did, babe.

Or should I say naked baby?

Well, sorry but your "naked baby" is now some kind of "tomato-skin teen".

If you get the situation, I will go bathing in snow.

Not so fast.

Astrid, please tell me that you're not the one who just rang the bell in my house.

I can tell you.

But I don't like to lie to my boyfriend.

Hate you.

Love you.

Stubborn mean lady.

Get the door, I'm freezing.

* * *

**Mondays, January 12****th**** 2015 23.54**

_**Astrid Hofferson (on)**_

_**Hiccup Haddock (on)**_

Sorry.

For what?

We went too far.

You're saying just because we got to second base?

Don't know so much about bases.

Well, that was second base.

Thanks for summing that up.

Sorry again.

Why? It isn't like you raped me or something.

We just made out in your dad's car. Just that.

Don't know. I don't know anything.

Since… that, I barely can remember my name.

Why were you saying sorry?

Don't know. Maybe I did not know what to say.

And you believed that a "sorry" was better that "hey Astrid that was freaking awesome".

Did not want to sound like Snotlout.

Oh hell, no, no please.

Did you like that?

I mean, no, I do not mean anything.

It is not like I am some kind of pervert, but…

Did you liked that?

You liked?

Well, yes yes, of course.

But I'm not so pervert. Don't get it wrong.

Hiccup, you like me, right? I know you do.

Yes.

And I like you too.

I liked what happened today. It was time.

Come on, we were dating since when? We were 14.

Why, and tell me truth, were you saying sorry?

Don't know.

Why you didn't move and the begin?

Where are you trying to get?

You know where I was trying to get.

You're always afraid of screw things up.

That's because I ALWAYS screw the things up.

You didn't screw me.

Yet.

Don't ever write that.

And next time we made out, please:

1\. Move. 2. Don't feel sorry.

See? I screwed it up again.

I really want to beat you right now. And maybe kiss you.

I love you Astrid.

I just thought you would never say, Hiccup.

Love you too.

* * *

**Tuesday, January 13th 2015 9.20  
**_**Astrid Hofferson (on)**_

_**Hiccup Haddock (on)**_

Didn't come to school or just avoiding me?

Mmm, lobster skin, nasty bruises (from unknown origins).

Oh, yes, being painfully in school, that's a really good idea.

Don't sarcasm me.

If I don't "sarcasm you", our relationship wouldn't be full.

You would be dating just half of me.

Oh, no, little naked baby. You're mine. All of you. I want all from you.

Funny.

What?

I was trying to sound sexy and you write "funny"?

I'm listening to Queen, a song called I want it all.

And you just appeared saying you want all of me. It is a funny coincidence.

Stop being so Hiccup.

Hey! That's the other half of me!

* * *

_Hey! Well, here's the second one-shot and I'll be really thankful if you tell me what you think about this because I just made it with insomnia. And I feel like dying for a sleep, but I can't so here we are. _

_Thanks you a lot for reading!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own How to Train your Dragon. It is propriety of Dreamworks and Cressida Cowell. I'm just using the story with no payment back._


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